textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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