Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
