i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he shaved USA in his pubs
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We need a shit load of segways right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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