she smelled like a LAN party
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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