How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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