The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
did you just send me my own nude
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
