1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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