I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
