even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
