PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
