If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
