When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
