I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
