she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
