If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
