After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
