she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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