Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
