dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
