Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
