I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
