Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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