Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
