So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
