I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
