i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
