you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
