Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
