Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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