pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
