Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
