everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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