i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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