my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
