i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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