My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
