brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
