So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
