You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
