haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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