I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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