Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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