i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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