Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
