The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
