girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
