In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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