So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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