I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
