i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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