im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
