A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He has the fingertips of a God
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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