i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
